As much as I like to self deprecate, generally I think that I do ok. I do, I do ok. And I tell myself that sometimes. When I am feeling like everyone is out having fun without me I remind myself that, “I do ok.”
But sometimes I like to take this ok feeling and run with it. I start taking on all kinds of things, saying yes to all kinds of events, agreeing to do things for people despite the fact I already offered my time to someone else. I am a chronic over-booker, I love being busy, and can’t say no to any fun event.
But sometimes this can overwhelm me. Sometimes I get so bogged down with things that just wanting to take a day and spend it to myself seems so out of my reach I get stressed out about it. I think I have been over-loading my schedule lately and not making time for myself and what I want. I struggle with defining a good life-balance.
For example, I like to say yes to all kinds of events. It doesn’t matter what day of the week it is. If it sounds fun and fun people are going, I want to go too. And then write about it on this blog and show everyone who reads just how cool I think I am. In case you didn’t think so already.
But I have been noticing lately, as all these yeses catch up with me, that I have been neglecting the things that are me.
(a huge “me” thing.)
If someone asks me to an event or dinner and I agree, then suddenly I am in the middle of a predicament. A decision must be made. It usually goes down like this…
“I have dinner plans at 6:30. So do I have time to run and see Grady?”
Here is where I go through my process, like a flow chart.
Do I have time to see Grady and run? Yes or No.
Then what will I do? Run or ride Grady?
Well I need to run X amount of miles and if I don’t I will freak about training and freak about the size of my lunch. If I don’t ride Grady today then he won’t get ridden until the end of the week because I have X event tomorrow.
So something suffers, something that I love. And I am terrible at making decisions.
(making decisions between the things I love is such a pain.)
And what about me? What do I want? I run on Saturdays with one running group and Sunday’s with another. I feel like I owe my time to both groups but then I feel burned out. So I usually skip one in exchange for the other every now and then. But with this brings guilt.
“People expect me to be there.”
“I said that I would go.”
“Someone will be pissed off if I don’t show up.”
Where all these things might be true, they just don’t matter. What do I want? Well, I will tell you want I want.
I want to be able to sleep in one weekend day a week. There. I said it. I want to watch TV in bed with my coffee or get brunch with my friends and not feel like everyone is wondering where I get off.
So I have decided to give Grady more attention even if that means I have to say no every once in a while. I have decided that I can only handle one early morning running group a weekend. I have decided that it’s what I need to feel balanced and more stress-free. I vow to click “maybe” on facebook event pages instead of clicking “Going.” Take that facebook.
So I have some bad news to break to some people. And that is always hard. But for my health, sanity, and ease of mind, it’s necessary. I’m just looking out for number 1.
Do you ever feel overbooked and stressed but feel like you have to be to please others? Are you a people pleaser or do you put yourself first? What are some things you do to remind yourself to balance?